Can I just gloat in my own glory for a minute and enjoy an accomplishment I thought I would never achieve? I am so proud of myself! I want to jump for joy, scream from the rooftops, and dance around exclaiming my excitement!
The reason I am so proud, giddy, excited, happy, etc.. is because I have done the impossible. I have beat me at my own game. I have stuck with something long enough to bask in the glory of accomplishment. This is something that a normal size font just can't do justice....
I have lost 20 lbs
Let me repeat that...
I have lost 20 lbs!!!!!
This is just the beginning! I have quite a few more left to go, but just call me butter 'cuz I'm on a roll.. Yup, I went there. I don't care. I'm so excited and I just can't hide it so I'll be corny if I wanna.
Did I mention that I've lost 20lbs!?
I'm just going to sit here in amazement and enjoy this feeling, because it's pretty incredible! There's no stopping me now - I'm on a mission!!
And because I was curious, I Google searched things that were 20 lbs. Here is what i found:
-->This is part of my Day Zero project. To see the complete list click here. Disclaimer: With this goal I will be giving periodic updates on progress of my journey to a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index) and weight for my height. This is a hard journey and anyone who has lost a lot of weight will tell you it takes time and patience. In future posts, I may mention exercises I enjoy doing, recipes I have found that are light and yummy and diet tips that have worked for me, but with every exercise program it is always important to contact your physician. That being said, this post is very introspective and personal. I admit things I have never said out-loud and am really kind of hesitant about posting it, but I feel it needs to be said so - here it goes:
My whole life I have had a food "issue." I like it way too much. It's comforting and tastes so good. Two years ago I took the first step into doing something about the excess weight I had gained from college and beyond, by joining a gym and hiring a personal trainer. I kept up with the trainer for a year but only went to the gym for my appointment times and didn't really change my eating habits. I lost some weight, but not enough for anyone to really notice. I toned up a little but, but again, not enough to be noticeable.
A year ago my personal trainer contract expired and I didn't renew. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to do and would stay with it on my own. I should have known better...I stopped going to the gym altogether. I kept the membership thinking I would eventually get back into the "swing of things" And then....
I decided I wanted to have that extra money for something else so I went to cancel my membership, but instead was offered a lower rate and decided to keep it. I made a decision to force myself to go. I was spending money for it I needed to use it.
I went pretty consistently for about 3 months and then stopped again, going only once a week if at all. I ended up gaining the weight I had lost (about 20lbs) and felt miserable, and angry, and just down right disappointed in myself that I started blaming others for me being FAT. Like it was their fault. Like they somehow forced me to gorge myself to the point of exhaustion. That they were the reason I was so lazy. It had nothing to do with me at all....
The beginning of this year I promised myself that I would not make excuses that I would put forth the effort to get the results I wanted. That I would not let myself talk me out of doing something good for me. I would conquer this weight issue once and for all, even though it meant giving up my comfort blanket (coke, fast food, chocolate, etc).
So far I have been even more consistent than in the past. I have actually *almost* lost all the weight I gained, have more energy and am not as lazy as I was in the past. I have stopped blaming others for my own faults and have finally come to grips with the truth. My name is Karen and I am fat. It's true, I really am. I am NOT o.k. with it. But I AM doing something about it.
I have always wanted immediate results, but in something like this, it can't be done instantly. It's a process and small changes in my lifestyle will help me attain my goal and keep it. I no longer take the elevator at work, I don't drink soda's and I haven't had any fast food in I don't know how long. I order water at restaurants and am trying really hard to think about what I am about to order. I can't even remember the last time I ate a cookie....
I'm not a self motivated person. I never have been. In fact I am actually somewhat jealous of people who are self motivated and can achieve goals. I wish I were more like that. I am working on it and hopefully eventually it will become a habit and I won't have to think about it anymore.
The other day I was surfing the web (read: stumbling through Firefox) when I came across this photo:
It is a body scan of a 250lb woman vs. 120lb woman. The differences are shocking and appalling. I couldn't believe it. But what actually shocked me more were the comments about it. The majority of the comments were right on point with how disgusting the photo was. It is. A few of them were from fellow fatties who felt offended by it. Who thought this photo was a personal attack against them. About how people don’t understand what it’s like to be fat and about how it’s not always about being lazy, or gluttonous, that sometimes medications, diseases, etc. can cause unexpected weight gain. I understand that, but at the same time would think that if that were the case someone should contact their doctor to find alternative treatments or better yet, be more conscience about what they are doing and not hide behind a disease or a pill…
I don't find it offensive. I find it eye-opening, motivating, and somewhat inspiring. You can look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself everyday thinking you look one way and then see the insides of someone who is close to your weight; it’s an entirely different perspective.
This photo and the comments really got me thinking and realizing that it was my own decisions that caused me to become this way. It had nothing to do with anyone else and I had to seriously stop blaming others for my own mistakes and choices. I am fat and it's my own fault.
In a lot of support groups the first step is admitting you have a problem. So here it is; I am putting it out there. I am no longer going to tip-toe around the fact that stares at me in the mirror every morning. I am not going to call myself "big-boned" "chunky" "overweight" or my favorite "a nutritional overachiever." I am going to tell myself the truth - I am fat. I have to do something about it. I am doing something about it and it will take time but eventually I will be able to tell myself another truth: "I am healthy"
I will never be120lbs. I am 5’8” and would look emaciated at 120lbs. I just want to be healthy: have a healthy BMI and be a healthy weight for my height. I want to look good in my clothes and feel good about myself.
