FORTY-FIVE

Since January 2010, I have lost forty-five pounds, which is the equivalent of:

9 bags of sugar
or

4 1/2 bags of ice
or



5 gallons of water



Needless to say, I am very proud of myself!

MOTIVATION Through PICTURES

Whenever I lack the motivation to work out or to bypass a cookie or chocolate cake, I try to look through pictures of myself when I was at my heaviest.  I found this one lurking in the shadows, and literally cringed.  I knew I was big, but never dreamed I was that big.....anyway I have made some amazing progress in almost a years time and I must say, even if I gained a pound and half this week, I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished, and am not going to let that deter me from continuing in the right path.

Losing weight is not easy, especially when the holidays are around the corner.  I have a plan and I am going to stick with it! I am determined more than ever - especially since I am seeing results - and since I can go back and look at this and see how far I've come - it makes sticking to a plan, that much easier.

 

And now for the "AFTER":

44 pounds!!! :)

Proof in pictures

Black shirt = before

White shirt = after

I still have a long way to go, but seeing how far I've come already is just the motivation I need to keep this thing going and see it to the very end.

Total pounds lost to date : 34 

Epiphany

Since I started my weight loss journey I have tried very hard to incorporate fresh fruits and vegetables into every meal I eat. I limit my carbohydrate and fat intake and try to eat things full of fiber and protein.  In doing that I have completely weaned myself off caffeine - including coffee! I found that a lot of fruit have natural "pick me ups" that rev me up for the day to the point I don't even need the jolt of coffee/espresso anymore.

A few weeks ago I ate a brownie with some ice cream for the first time in months.  Later that day I had the absolute WORST headache ever.  It didn't occur to me until later that the sugar in the brownie and ice cream might be the culprit.

My theory was actually confirmed this weekend.  Saturday night I picked up an old friend from the airport for a Disney excursion weekend.  We went to a restaurant at downtown Disney and then split a hot fudge Ghiradelli sundae.  Yesterday, we went to the Magic Kingdom and enjoyed breakfast with the Characters (where I had 2 cups of coffee with cream and sugar), skipped lunch, ate a Mickey ice cream during the parade and drank lots of water.  By the end of the day my head was pounding to the point where Excedrin Migraine didn't even touch it.

When I eat junk, I feel terrible.  When I stick with the fresh fruit and vegetables I feel and look better.  There is truth to the saying, "you are what you eat"

And one more thing, and only because I'm so excited!  When I weighed in today at the gym I have lost (drum roll please.....)

30 pounds!!!!!!

I will post a blog all about it, complete with visuals and some of my favorite healthy alternative snacks in a few days.  I just couldn't contain my excitement so I had to go ahead and announce it! :)

 

Progress

This is part of my day zero project.  To see the complete list click here

I suggest that any one who is about to start a lifestyle change, or wants to lose some weight should first take a full length picture of themselves.  I know, I know - it's not something you want to do, I understand.  BELIEVE me I completely understand.  I've been known to crop "fat" out of photos by adjusting the margins and sizing them to where you can't see my entire body.  In fact, I also delete them, refuse to look at them and run far far away from anyone who has the desire to take one. Needless to say, there are very few full length pictures of myself floating around...

Now you don't have to show anyone this full length photo - this is your photo to help you see the changes in your body as you lose weight, tone up or begin healthy eating habits.  You see yourself everyday and while clothes may start fitting looser it might be hard to actually "see" a difference in the way you look.

I didn't take a "before" photo because I just didn't think about it.  Today, one of my friends took a photo of me sans 28lbs and I went back through old photos of myself  to see if there were any full length ones I could compare to (I was actually wishing I hadn't deleted, run away, or hid from them)  After searching for a while (a LONG while) I found one.  I was shocked at the difference 28lbs makes.  I could see things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

I've decided that I'm going take full length pictures of myself once a month and compare the outcomes.  I'm a very visual person and I need to put things in to perspective.  Maybe this is the motivation I need.

 

BEFORE (April 2010)

After (August 2010)

Weight Watchers

It seems I can move forward full speed a head and then something puts a halt in my progress.  I'm not exactly sure what that *something* is, but it is there.  It seems to always lurk in the shadows and pounce when I least expect it.

I lost 20 pounds, was proud, ecstatic, overjoyed, etc. you get the picture.  I thought I had finally conquered lack of motivation for good and was well on my way to finally achieving (read: conquering) my food issues; and then I went on vacation, got out of the routine and ended up gaining 7 of that 20 back.  I was disappointed, appalled, mad, angry, etc.. at myself for letting the excuses get the best of me, for quitting when I was a head instead of moving forward toward my ultimate goal.

I ended up using the fact that I had gained back 7 pounds to be another excuse, instead of a motivating factor to get moving again.  I could tell my clothes weren't fitting the way I wanted, and I honestly didn't care - until...

I went back to my posts (here) and (here) and remembered why I started this journey in the first place. It's about living in every since of the word.  I have borderline high cholesterol. While some of it is genetic, it can be reversed by diet.  I don't want to be 27 years old doped on medications because I can't say no to a cookie or chips.  I don't want to be the 1000 pound woman who has to be lifted out of her house by a crane just to get medical attention.  I don't want to end up like that.   I want to live. I want to be healthy.

Last night I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in years.  It was great to catch up! She had mentioned she was doing Weight Watchers and had lost quite a bit of weight.  It works. I know it works, but I was just too lazy to actually do it myself...

So today, I went on the computer, logged on to Weight Watchers and joined their online community.  I need something that will keep me accountable. Force me to think about the foods I am eating and also give me tips on healthier habits.  I will be tracking my weight weekly from there, read about other people's ups and downs and hopefully conquer this *food* issue once and for all....

Twenty

Can I just gloat in my own glory for a minute and enjoy an accomplishment I thought I would never achieve?  I am so proud of myself! I want to jump for joy, scream from the rooftops, and dance around exclaiming my excitement!

The reason I am so proud, giddy, excited, happy, etc.. is because I have done the impossible.  I have beat me at my own game.  I have stuck with something long enough to bask in the glory of accomplishment.  This is something that a normal size font just can't do justice....

I have lost 20 lbs

Let me repeat that...

I have lost 20 lbs!!!!! 

This is just the beginning!  I have quite a few more left to go, but just call me butter 'cuz I'm on a roll.. Yup, I went there.  I don't care.  I'm so excited and I just can't hide it so I'll be corny if I wanna.

Did I mention that  I've lost 20lbs!?

I'm just going to sit here in amazement and enjoy this feeling, because it's pretty incredible!  There's no stopping me now - I'm on a mission!! 

And because I was curious, I Google searched things that were 20 lbs.  Here is what i found:

Progress

-->This is part of my Day Zero project.  To see the complete list click here.
 Disclaimer: With this goal I will be giving periodic updates on progress of my journey to a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index) and weight for my height.  This is a hard journey and anyone who has lost a lot of weight will tell you it takes time and patience.  In future posts, I may mention exercises I enjoy doing, recipes I have found that are light and yummy and diet tips that have worked for me, but with every exercise program it is always important to contact your physician.  That being said, this post is very introspective and personal.  I admit things I have never said out-loud and am really kind of hesitant about posting it, but I feel it needs to be said so - here it goes:

My whole life I have had a food "issue."  I like it way too much.  It's comforting and tastes so good.  Two years ago I took the first step into doing something about the excess weight I had gained from college and beyond, by joining a gym and hiring a personal trainer.  I kept up with the trainer for a year but only went to the gym for my appointment times and didn't really change my eating habits.  I lost some weight, but not enough for anyone to really notice. I toned up a little but, but again, not enough to be noticeable.

A year ago my personal trainer contract expired and I didn't renew.  I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to do and would stay with it on my own.  I should have known better...I stopped going to the gym altogether.  I kept the membership thinking I would eventually get back into the "swing of things" And then....

I decided I wanted to have that extra money for something else so I went to cancel my membership, but instead was offered a lower rate and decided to keep it.  I made a decision to force myself to go.  I was spending money for it I needed to use it.

I went pretty consistently for about 3 months and then stopped again, going only once a week if at all.  I ended up gaining the weight I had lost (about 20lbs) and felt miserable, and angry, and just down right disappointed in myself that I started blaming others for me being FAT.  Like it was their fault.  Like they somehow forced me to gorge myself to the point of exhaustion.  That they were the reason I was so lazy.  It had nothing to do with me at all....

The beginning of this year I promised myself that I would not make excuses that I would put forth the effort to get the results I wanted.  That I would not let myself talk me out of doing something good for me.  I would conquer this weight issue once and for all, even though it meant giving up my comfort blanket (coke, fast food, chocolate, etc).

 So far I have been even more consistent than in the past.  I have actually *almost* lost all the weight I gained, have more energy and am not as lazy as I was in the past.  I have stopped blaming others for my own faults and have finally come to grips with the truth.  My name is Karen and I am fat.  It's true, I really am.  I am NOT o.k. with it.  But I AM doing something about it.

I have always wanted immediate results, but in something like this, it can't be done instantly.  It's a process and small changes in my lifestyle will help me attain my goal and keep it.  I no longer take the elevator at work, I don't drink soda's and I haven't had any fast food in I don't know how long.  I order water at restaurants and am trying really hard to think about what I am about to order.  I can't even remember the last time I ate a cookie....

I'm not a self motivated person.  I never have been.  In fact I am actually somewhat jealous of people who are self motivated and can achieve goals.  I wish I were more like that.  I am working on it and hopefully eventually it will become a habit and I won't have to think about it anymore.

The other day I was surfing the web (read: stumbling through Firefox) when I came across this photo:

 
It is a body scan of a 250lb woman vs. 120lb woman.  The differences are shocking and appalling.  I couldn't believe it.  But what actually shocked me more were the comments about it.  The majority of the comments were right on point with how disgusting the photo was.  It is.  A few of them were from fellow fatties who felt offended by it.   Who thought this photo was a personal attack against them.  About how people don’t understand what it’s like to be fat and about how it’s not always about being lazy, or gluttonous, that sometimes medications, diseases, etc. can cause unexpected weight gain.  I understand that, but at the same time would think that if that were the case someone should contact their doctor to find alternative treatments or better yet, be more conscience about what they are doing and not hide behind a disease or a pill…

I don't find it offensive. I find it eye-opening, motivating, and somewhat inspiring.  You can look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself everyday thinking you look one way and then see  the insides of someone who is close to your weight; it’s an entirely different perspective.

This photo and the comments really got me thinking and realizing that it was my own decisions that caused me to become this way.  It had nothing to do with anyone else and I had to seriously stop blaming others for my own mistakes and choices.  I am fat and it's my own fault.

In a lot of support groups the first step is admitting you have a problem.  So here it is; I am putting it out there.  I am no longer going to tip-toe around the fact that stares at me in the mirror every morning.  I am not going to call myself "big-boned" "chunky" "overweight" or my favorite "a nutritional overachiever."  I am going to tell myself the truth - I am fat.  I have to do something about it.  I am doing something about it and it will take time but eventually I will be able to tell myself another truth: "I am healthy"

I will never be120lbs.  I am 5’8” and would look emaciated at 120lbs.  I just want to be healthy: have a healthy BMI and be a healthy weight for my height.  I want to look good in my clothes and feel good about myself.

Confession:

I have a confession to make. I realize what I'm about to admit may cause a fit of hysteria and die hard laughter and I am fully aware that what I'm about to admit may seem rather unusual for a 27 year old to find relaxing.

While some people knit, crochet, Sudoku, play guitar, write poems, blog, watch mindless television, cook, etc, I find that coloring (yes, coloring) is my way of relaxing. And by coloring I do mean coloring books with crayons.

I used to color all the time when I was a teenager and even some in college - but it wasn't until my 3 y/o niece was here this weekend that really rekindled my love for coloring. She loves to color and she loves when someone colors with her. I jump at any opportunity to color and it not be considered "weird" or "strange." In fact, in most cases it ended up with her leaving the table and me still coloring away. I don't know what it is about coloring that I find so enjoyable, but I really do.

Perhaps it's because I'm not an artist. I'm not good at drawing, I'm mediocre at writing and I have absolutlely no talent when it comes to crochet/knitting, cooking is touch and go and I have a love/hate relationship blogging, coloring gives me a way to be creative in the colors I choose rather than having to come up with a picture on my own. Someone else did the outline and I give the page life (so to speak).

So there you have it, I'm 27 and I love to color!

Willpower

Yesterday (Feb. 9th) was my 27th birthday. My co-workers surprised me with a Red Velvet Cake (my fave) in the afternoon. I gave in and had 2 pieces - and felt really guilty afterward. I went to the gym, worked out really hard and felt better about eating the 2 pieces of cake.

Then today, one of our brokers came in and had made a Red Velvet cake from scratch the night before and brought some in for us. Remembering how guilty I felt and how horrible I felt after eating yesterday's cake I refrained all morning. Instead, I got my mind off of the tantalizing desert by running up three-flights of stairs, getting a bottle of water and running down 3 flights of stairs to my desk to drop the water off, and then running up and down three-flights of stairs two more times. Luckily no one saw or questioned what I was doing.

I went to lunch and thought, "you know, one piece isn't going to be a huge deal" then I thought, "no, one piece starts a chain of junk food eating and I can't go to the gym today or tomorrow so I really shouldn't eat a piece" Then I thought, "what if I just tried a bite? just to see if it was any good? Just a bite won't hurt anything" Let me tell you this dialog in my head went on during my entire lunch hour. It was like I had fat girl on one shoulder and skinny girl on the other battling it out.

Luckily it was all a moot point and when I got back to work the cake had already been completely devoured and I was saved from myself and Red Velvet goodness.

But...I had the willpower to refrain in the very beginning. Had I not, then I would probably be sitting here typing about how bad I feel because of all the sugar I ate in cake form.

I'm proud of myself! Maybe I do have willpower after all. Though the true test will come this weekend when my niece and nephew are in town. We are celebrating my nephew's first birthday and are making a cake for him and everyone else. This will be a true test - because we will have cake leftover for a few days afterward here at the house.

6 week slump

Dear 6 Week Slump:

I win! You will not conquer me. You will not make me lose my motivation. I am woman hear me roar. You will never own me. I will prevail. I am determined more than ever to show you who's boss.

Sincerely,
The self-proclaimed Gym Rat

P.S. Even though in the past you have won, I've learned your triggers and your sly ways so you cannot and will not defeat me again, so move along and find someone else to destroy.

**Disclaimer** For the majority of my life I have been really motivated for about 6 weeks and then I lose interest, stop doing something, and just basically give up/quit. Then about 4 months later I get back the motivation for 6 weeks and then the cycle continues. I realize this fault about myself and I am bound and determined not to let it get the best of me again. I have a goal set and I want, for once, to accomplish it. Today started the 6th week of my master plan/goal.

Starting now

I'm not a blogger. I've never been really good at keeping up with one. In fact in most cases (4) I have created a blog, done really well for about oh a week or so and then I go and delete it. I don't really know what to write about. I know a lot of people who blog and are good at it, who have tons of followers and just find joy about telling the world about their life. I've never been that person. But, I heard or read some where that in order to keep yourself accountable you have to tell people your goals. Whether or not any one will ever read this is irrelevant. I'm doing this for me.

By now most everyone has made their New Year's resolutions and has probably broken then all the same. For the first time I actually feel different about my typical resolutions. The ones I make every year (they are always the same) and yet in the past i have never fully kept up with them. Until now. We're already 3 weeks into the New Year and it's usually at this point when my resolutions seem to falter, until now. I don't know what has sparked in me this year to make me feel differently, but there's something and I can't put my finger on it.

Maybe it's that my work life is so great that even the head of the department has told me on countless occasions that I'm a valuable asset to the company, or maybe it's that I've started and failed so many times in the past I actually want to accomplish a goal and see what it feels like? Whatever the reason I'm more motivated than ever to make a change and stick with it. I know it's not going to be easy, or quick, but a lifestyle change is more than a resolution, it's a way of life. It's making myself aware of what I'm are doing and taking conscience effort to be a better person. It's listening instead of talking, it's stopping to breathe, it's being simple instead of complicated, it's being me- but better.

I'm not sure I want to call these "goals" of mine resolutions but a change in how I react to situations. Where in the past I turned to food for comfort, I've got to find a different outlet for my emotions. Where in the past I complained about things that weren't going my way, I've got to be content with this life I've been given and realize that not everything is always going to go my way - nor should it all the time. Where in the past I used retail therapy (credit cards) to buy the things I wanted and barely had the money for the things I needed, I've got to realize that I don't need everything - just because I may want that designer bag, or shoes doesn't mean that I need them right then.

So the change for 2010:
1. Quit using food as a comforter, find another way to release emotions - go for a walk, a run, go to the gym, something active. That chocolate chip cookie may seem like the answer but in the end it just ends up on the hips and makes me feel even worse than before.

2. Be content - easier said than done, but realize that this life was given for a purpose and a reason and at times it may seem like there is no hope - remember to be content.

3. Save.save.save. - I'm in the perfect place to be able to save so much. I'm living with my parents rent free- there is no reason I shouldn't be able to save the majority of my pay check for a house. Keeping in mind that it will take time and although living with the parents my seem daunting and not ideal - it IS truly the best situation for saving. And in this economy saving is key.

4. love.learn.listen - Love is such a simple word with such a complex meaning. Love is easier said than done, but love is the key to happiness. It's the Greatest command. Jesus told us to love our neighbors - and our neighbors could be anyone and everyone. Love. Learn - learn from others, learn from myself just learn something I didn't know before. Listen to God - meaning - read the Bible - open my heart to God's plan.